October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween --- Shortarmguy Diary Update for October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween
Shortarmguy Diary Update for October 31, 2010

We've had a relatively quiet week at the Shortarmguy Household.  Regardless of how cold it gets, Sunny is always ready to go swimming!  I guess dogs just don't wory about the shrinkage factor like humans do.

I've been impressed with how much higher the level of the water has been this year than the end of last season.  I guess all that peeing in the lake I did this summer has really started making a difference.

Quit taking pictures and throw me the damn ball!

While Sunny and I play at the lake, Miss Sheri stays home and does chores like picking up sticks off the roof.  Thank God I have her because if I didn't we'd have a huge wood pile up there!

The boys have to spend 20 minutes every day practicing their instruments for the middle school band. 

Here's a video of Luke playing his Marimba.

Avery has also been doing a great job playing his trombone.  But he told me if I posted a video of him playing it on Youtube, he'd smack me in the face.  So I guess I just need to be content with showing his picture for now.

The other thing we did this weekend was join a local fitness club called Dakotah Sport and Fitness.  Mom and dad need to get serious about getting in shape and losing some weight.  Or get serious about complaining about paying our monthly dues to the club, but never actually going there to work out.

Halloween was somewhat uneventful for mom and dad this year.  The boys went to a party at school, their first middle school party, and trick or treating with some friends.  And they wouldn't let me take pictures of any of it!  It really sucks when your kids start getting older! 

Why Police Love To Chase Women Drivers

when beer drinkers get bored

Useful Dog Tricks performed by Jesse

As Soon As This Happens, Retire With Dignity



1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon


1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate


1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. I'm not interested in fighting you.
6. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance. I have no coordination and I'd hate to look like a fool!
7. I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.

Quote of the Week --- October 31, 2010

"If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm."

-- Bruce Barton, Executive

Dallas Cowboys Jokes

These jokes must be very popular in Texas this week because I received them from 3 or 4 different people down there!

The Texas State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Dallas.  For the first offense, they give you 2 Dallas Cowboy tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q.What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A..The Dallas Cowboys

Q.What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common? 
A.They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q.How do you keep a Dallas Cowboy out of your yard?
A.Put up a goal post.

Q.What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a Super Bowl ring?

Q.What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill?
A.You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q.  How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to win a Super Bowl?A.Nobody remembers.

Q.What do the Cowboys and a possums have in common?
A.Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

ARLINGTON --Training at the NFL's Cowboys Stadium was delayed nearly two hours this morning, after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the ground.

Initially the NFL team thought it was a prank. Training was immediately suspended, while Police and Homeland Security officials were called to investigate.

After a complete analysis, Dallas Police forensic experts determined that the white substance, unfamiliar to most of the players, was in fact, the goal line.

Practice resumed this afternoon after Police and Homeland Security decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.


In the case of a tornado in the DFW area, please head directly to Cowboy Stadium.

Chances of a touchdown there are unlikely!

Click here for more Funny Posts about Football

Click here for more Funny Jokes

Click here for more Funny Posts about Texas

I Guess This Means No Candy

Next Media Animation Shows Us The Brett Favre/Jenn Sterger Story

More Fun With Brett Favre

Breatt Favre's New Wrangler Commercial --- Open Fly Jeans

Great New Obama Bumper Sticker

You Look Like a Mushroom

A Woman is in a Coma

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her.

They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room.

The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

Dog O'Lanterns

Up and Away

Look what flew over the Akron, COLORADO airshow this last weekend!

Some aircraft just get more beautiful with age!!!!

Bette Midler Statement

'I haven't left my house in days. I watch the news channels incessantly. All the news stories are about the election; all the commercials are for Viagra and Cialis. Election, erection, election, erection -- either way we're getting screwed!' -- Bette Midler.

October 30, 2010

Halloween Warning 2010!

Don't Text and Fly!!

Great New Political Sign --- October, 2010

Adorable Kid's Halloween Costumes 2010


A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit him.

It was a chilly evening. The pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire. Guessing the reason for his pastor's visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a comfortable chair near the fireplace and waited.

The pastor made himself at home but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning logs. After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone then he sat back in his chair, still silent.

The host watched all this in quiet contemplation. As the one lone ember's flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and dead.

Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. The pastor glanced at his watch and realized it was time to leave. He slowly stood up, picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow, once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said with a tear running down his cheek, 'Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the firey sermon. I will be back in church next Sunday'.

We live in a world today, which tries to say too much with too little. Consequently, few listen. Sometimes the best sermons are the ones left unspoken.

Which way to the senior center?

October 29, 2010

Nice Email from a High School Classmate

Hi Todd,

I am embarassed to say that I just now got around to visiting your site :(. But I want to tell you how inspiring I found your story. I can honestly say I never knew or cared to know "what happened" to your arms. I just grew up in Clear Lake knowing you were a legend :)

My daughter, Lizzy, was born with a very rare condition of her arms called radial ulnar synostosis. Essentially, she is unable to pronate or supinate her arms. Her radial and ulna are fused together below the elbow. Her hands are stuck so-to-speak and appear larger towards the elbow. Like you, she has never known any different. She has adapted in her own way and learned to do things differently. Obviously, some things are more challenging that others. We are currently waiting to get into Shriner's Hospital to work with some occupational therapists who can assist her further. She is also a lefty...this made is challenging to teach her how to hold a pencil and learn to write.

Last year the teasing started. "Lizzy, you have weird arms". Mama Bear wanted to bash heads in but we all know that's not a good idea. I feel sorry for her merely because she is so limited in what she can do where sports and extra curricular activities are concerned. For now it is o.k. as she prefers to read...she is off the charts intelligent and wants to be a vet when she grows up.

After reading your story I have had an awakening. I realized I cannot feel sorry for her but I need to empower her and help her to embrace her disability. Thank you.

Like the syndrome that you and your son suffer from, Lizzy's condition usually has underlying conditions that accompany it as well. They say most people with the disorder have cardiological, neuroloical or internal organ issues. 2 weeks ago Lizzy suffered what appeared to be a seizure. We will soon be visiting with a pediatric neurologist and cardiologists to have a thorough work up done. There is also the fear of a tumor. This fear comes from a long line of familial cancers and a recessive gene which, if my children carry, puts them at a 90% risk of developing a malignancy in their lifetime with most cases affecting juveniles. A 90% chance is pretty much like saying "you're going to get cancer". I just haven't had them tested yet, mostly out of fear. My brother had his cancer at age 13, mine was at age 27.

Lizzy had a rough start as well. I was in my 25th week of pregnancy with her when diagnosed with breast cancer. Immediately I underwent a mastectomy. At 32 weeks gestation Lizzy was born through induction at the suggestion of my oncologist. They wanted me to start chemo as soon as possible. We lost her 4 times in her first 48 hours. She spent 8 weeks in the NICU at Minneapolis Children's. It was there that we found out about her arms. When one of her various IV sites became infected an Xray was done to rule out internal issues. That's where the fusion as found. I have to admit that when they told me about the condition you were the first person I thought of even though I hadn't seen you in years (I think the last time was when I watched you perform at JB Plums in the mid o early 90's). See what an impact you made on us young girls (hehe)?

I know I have rambled but wanted to let you you know that I will share your story with her and I will share your website with other people. I hope you get famous...outside of Clear Lake. I will pray that God continues to bless you and your family. You have beautiful boys!

Again, thank you for putting your story out there. It shed a whole new light for me. And so now, I will say this....even though you are a Vikings fan, I think you're AOK :0)

Keep on inspiring -


Packers Fans Continue to be Bitter

October 24, 2010

Great Wolf Lodge in Wisconsin Dells --- Shortarmguy Diary Entry for October 24, 2010

Great Wolf Lodge in Wisconsin Dells 

Shortarmguy Diary Entry for October 24, 2010

On Tuesday night, we had the pleasure of seeing the Hanson Boys.  They came over to winterize my boat and make me look bad for forgetting to wear my mustache and blue hat.  It's kind of sad to put the boat away for the winter, but it's time.  Those freezing temperatures are just around the corner!

On Thursday, we took advantage of the MEA break to head to Great Wolf Lodge at the Wisconsin Dells with our good friends, the Zitzewitzes.  Beers and water parks.  A better combination has never been invented!

For two days, we got our water slides on, and our wave pools on, and our hot tubs on, and our lazy rivers on.  I just wish my fat butt would have been able to keep my swimsuit on.  It was pretty embarrassing every time it fell off at the bottom of one of those crazy slides!

We were pretty much all in agreement that the craziest ride there was the Howlin' Tornado.  You do a massive drop into a 6-story funnel and then repeatedly swish and swirl 30 feet up the sides.  You then have a massive desire to throw-up all over your neighbor on the raft.  Luckily, you're already in the water so it's easy to wash the vomit off and go right back on the ride again!

I decided to scale Fort Mackenzie and check out the massive bucket of water that supposedly drops 1000 gallons of water on your head.

There must have been something wrong with the bucket, though, because I swear I only counted 950 gallons.

As usual, Karl and I got pretty competitive with one another.  This time it was on the mat races where we zoomed down four story tubes of water with heart stopping twists and turns.  Karl pretty much had my number the entire first day, but I did start finally winning some races on the second day.  As Karl would say, that's because I figured out how to cheat!!

The trip was going great until the second night when I walked into the bar and discovered Miss Sheri cheating on me!   She just shrugged it off and told me I was just jealous because I would never in my life have as much wood as this guy does!

She did make it up to me, though, by letting me snap this quick beaver shot of her before we left.  I sure do love my wife!!

My co-worker, Jay, recently re-named his Fantasy Football team to the Short Bus All Stars and our wondeful commissioner, Steve "Cuds" Cuddihy made this great new team logo for him.