April 17, 2011
How children perceive their grandparents
1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd got to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd got to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.
Mona Lisa Coffee
3,604 cups of coffee which have been made into a giant Mona Lisa painting in Sydney, Australia.
The 3,604 cups of coffee were each filled with different amounts of milk to create the different tones and shades!
April 16, 2011
Homemade Radiation Detector
With all the fear of radiation fallout from Japan, I thought it might be useful to tell you about a cheap and effective homemade radiation tester you can easily assemble and rely upon.
Just follow these simple instructions!
OPEN A BAG OF ORVILLE REDENBACKER MICROWAVE POPCORN JUST LEAVE IT ON YOUR TABLE.
IF IT STARTS POPPING …YOU'RE SCREWED!
Just follow these simple instructions!
OPEN A BAG OF ORVILLE REDENBACKER MICROWAVE POPCORN JUST LEAVE IT ON YOUR TABLE.
IF IT STARTS POPPING …YOU'RE SCREWED!
April 14, 2011
Tiger and Todd
It has come to my attention that a very close friend of mine thinks I'm making up the fact that I saw Tiger Woods make a birdy directly in front of my face. Well, it's true and here's the proof. It was at last weekend's Master's Tournament in Augusta, Georgia on the 6th green where I sat all day sweating bullets in the blistering sun. For some reason, the folks at CBS chose not to feature me on their broadcast very much. My personal belief is that they have something against guys with funny arms, but what are you going to do? Lucky for me, I was able to find this tiny little clip where I can be seen along the edge of the green after Tiger sank the putt. I shot up out of my chair when he made it, but apparently no one else did. You can see me embarrassingly sit down and then start doing a gentle golf clap before I'm cut out of the picture again.
April 13, 2011
April 12, 2011
April 8, 2011
A Short Trip to Seattle
A Short Trip to Seattle
Shortarmguy.com Update for April 8, 2011
On Monday, I hopped on a jet plane and flew to Seattle.
Upon my arrival, I was shocked to discover that it was raining.
The reason for my trip was to visit the wonderful folks at Microsoft and some other great people who make their livings in the computer business as I do. We always have so much fun debating all the current happenings in the technology industry. Although sometimes I feel like I talk too much!
This is Cami. She works for Nor-Tech's sister company, Eastern Data. This was her first Microsoft PAC Meeting and we spent a lot of time giggling with one another. Mainly because I have a tendency to get real sloppy with my food while I'm eating.
After about 48 hours on the ground, I flew home. Of course, that's when the sun decided to make an appearance.
I always love flying over the mountains. I day dream about what it would be like to have to make an emergency landing on one of them. I wonder how long it would take me before I'd decide I needed to eat one of the other passengers to survive. I then look around the cabin and try to decide who appears to be the tastiest.
When I came home, the weather outside in Minnesota was nice enough to take a walk around the neighborhood. I still think we're the last people in the country with snow in our yard.
Python Catcher in Africa
First, I wrap my arm in a skin for protection.
Then I crawl in the pit.
There she is.
Those are her eggs.
I let her take my protected arm, sort of like noodling for fish.
Then my buddy pulls me out with snake attached.
Ain't she a beaut?
She'll feed the village for a while.
And you think your job is tough?
Better thank God and keep on working!!
More Posts About Animals
More Crazy Emails
Then I crawl in the pit.
I use modern lighting.
There she is.
Those are her eggs.
I let her take my protected arm, sort of like noodling for fish.
Ain't she a beaut?
She'll feed the village for a while.
And you think your job is tough?
Better thank God and keep on working!!
More Posts About Animals
More Crazy Emails
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