Fall at the Dallas Arboretum

If Obama Wins, Move To Texas

The Country of Texas ~ since Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union . (Reference the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848.) We Texans love y'all, but we'll probably have to take action if Barack Obama wins the election. We'll miss you too. Here is what can happen: 1: Barack Hussein Obama is President of the United States , and Texas secedes from the Union in summer of 2013. 2: George W. Bush becomes President of the Republic of Texas . You might not think that he talks too pretty, but we hadn't had another terrorist attack, and the economy was fine until the effects of the Democrats lowering the qualifications for home loans came to roost. So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic? 1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. We will control the space industry. 2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States. 3. Defense Industry--we have over 65% of it. The term "Don't mess with Texas" will take on a whole new meaning. 4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. What will the other states do? Gee, we don't know. Why not ask Obama? 5. Natural Gas - again we have all we need, and it's too bad about those Northern States. John Kerry and Al Gore will have to figure out a way to keep them warm.... 6. Computer Industry - we lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications equipment -small companies like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Micro-conductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Nortel, Alcatel, etc, etc. The list goes on and on. 7. Medical Care - We have the research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world, as well as other large health centers. The Houston Medical Center alone employees over 65,000 people. 8. We have enough colleges to keep us getting smarter: University of Texas , Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Texas Christian, Rice, SMU, University of Dallas , University of Houston , Baylor, UNT ( University of North Texas ), Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the South anyway. 9. We have an intelligent and energetic work force, and it isn't restricted by a bunch of unions here in Texas , it's a Right to Work State and, therefore, it's every man and women for themselves. We just go out and get the job done. And if we don't like the way one company operates, we get a job somewhere else. 10. We have essential control of the paper, plastics, and insurance industries, etc. 11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard, the Texas Air National Guard, and several military bases. We don't have an Army, but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an Army in 24 hours if we need one. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call the Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over the Texas Rangers. 12. We are totally self-sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables, and let's not forget seafood from the Gulf. Also, everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food. 13. Three of the ten largest cities in the United States , and twenty- three of the 100 largest cities in the United States , are located in Texas. And Texas also has more land than California , New York , New Jersey , Connecticut , Delaware , Hawaii, Massachusetts , Maryland , Rhode Island and Vermont combined. 14. Trade: Three of the ten largest ports in the United States are located in Texas. 15. More miles of railroad track that any other state in the Union. 16. We also manufacture cars down here, but we don't need to. You see, nothing rusts in Texas , so our vehicles stay beautiful and run well for decades. 17. Year around golf. This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have. Now to the rest of the United States under President Obama: Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Obama will be able to drive around in his big 5 mpg SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes. You won't have any TV as the Space Center in Houston will cut off satellite communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr. Obama has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas as long as you survive the 2000 years it will take to get enough heat from Global Warming. Signed, The People of Texas P.S. This is not a threatening letter - just a note to give you something to think about! SLEEP WELL TONIGHT - THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UPON YOU!!

Texas Taxidermist

A lady was telling her neighbor that she saw a man driving a pick-up truck down the interstate, and a dog was hanging onto the tailgate for dear life! 


She said if the pick-up truck driver hadn't been going so fast in the other direction, she would have tried to stop him. 


A few weeks later, her neighbor saw this truck at the local Bass Pro Shop. 


The pick-up truck driver is a local TEXAS taxidermist with a great sense of humor!   Taxidermists are a twisted lot anyway! And it is not a dog in the 1st Place; it is a Coyote. 


Can you imagine how many people tried to stop this guy?

Texas Bow Fisherman Catches Monster Alligator Gar

Read All The Details Here:

http://www.caller.com/news/2012/jun/16/gar-gantuan-feat-at-lake-corpus-christi/

Texas Tan Line

Dallas Cowboys Jokes

These jokes must be very popular in Texas this week because I received them from 3 or 4 different people down there!

The Texas State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Dallas.  For the first offense, they give you 2 Dallas Cowboy tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.


Q.What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A..The Dallas Cowboys

Q.What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common? 
A.They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q.How do you keep a Dallas Cowboy out of your yard?
A.Put up a goal post.

Q.What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a Super Bowl ring?

 A.Old

Q.What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill?

A.You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q.  How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to win a Super Bowl?A.Nobody remembers.

Q.What do the Cowboys and a possums have in common?

A.Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

ARLINGTON --Training at the NFL's Cowboys Stadium was delayed nearly two hours this morning, after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the ground.

Initially the NFL team thought it was a prank. Training was immediately suspended, while Police and Homeland Security officials were called to investigate.

After a complete analysis, Dallas Police forensic experts determined that the white substance, unfamiliar to most of the players, was in fact, the goal line.

Practice resumed this afternoon after Police and Homeland Security decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.


***WEATHER ALERT***

In the case of a tornado in the DFW area, please head directly to Cowboy Stadium.

Chances of a touchdown there are unlikely!


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Hog-huntin', Texas style!

This west Texas farmer had a feral-hog problem.

Wild hogs will ruin a farm!

HAD IS THE KEY WORD HERE!

Simple solution.... :

Holy Hog Poop, Batman!!!; Is that a .50 cal. BARRETT on the dashboard??! !

...And an M-1919 Browning .30 cal. Belt-Fed MACHINE GUN topside?

Yee-Haw, Billy-Bob!!! That'll make for one dandy HOG ROAST, don't ya reckon??!

Bring on the BBQ!!!