Nice Email about a Boy from India

I was wondering if you'd heard about this little boy in India, born with 34 digits? 10 toes on EACH foot, 7 fingers on each hand, and no thumbs. He's the new world record holder. I was amazed at his feet. Here I thought I had flat feet! I got nothing compared to him. Anyhow, enjoy the article. Maybe when he grows up he'll come across your site. J


http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3715180/Boy-born-with-34-fingers-and-toes.html?OTC-RSS&ATTR=News#ixzz1TDTd5L53

Letter from HR about Cursing at Work (Naughty Language Warning!)

Dear Employees:


It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.


Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.


We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.


Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.




Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.


Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking bitch.


Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?


Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF : No fucking way.


Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!


Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.


Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.


Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?


Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.


Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?


Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.


Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF : Eat shit and die.


Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.


Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.


Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.


Number 16
TRY SAYING: I enjoy a challenge.
INSTEA D OF: This fucking job sucks.


Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?


Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.


Thank You,
Human Resources

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Daddy's Rules for Dating my Daughter

10 "Must Obey" regulations without exception


Rule #1


If you pull into my driveway and honk your horn, you'd better be delivering a package, because you sure as hell are NOT picking anything up.


Rule #2


Do NOT touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do NOT peer at anything below her neck. If you can NOT keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.


Rule #3


I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my pneumatic nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.


Rule #4


I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.


Rule #5


It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do NOT do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early".


Rule #6


I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.


Rule #7


As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do NOT sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like mowing my lawn?


Rule #8


The following places are NOT appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to encourage my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.


Rule #9


Do NOT lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues regarding my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and 10 acres of land.


Rule #10


Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Winston's View of the Future

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal, It is the courage to continue that counts."

― Winston Churchill

Winston, come into the dining room, it's time to eat," Julia yelled to her husband. "In a minute, honey, it's a tie score," he answered.  Actually Winston wasn't very interested in the traditional holiday football game between Detroit and Washington .


Ever since the government passed the Civility in Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing tackle football for its "unseemly violence" and the "bad example it sets for the rest of the world," Winston was far less of a football fan than he used to be. Two-hand touch wasn't nearly as exciting.


Yet it wasn't the game that Winston was uninterested in. It was more the thought of eating another Tofu Turkey. Even though it was the best type of VeggieMeat available after the government revised the American Anti-Obesity Act of 2018, adding fowl to the list of federally-forbidden foods, (which already included potatoes, cranberry sauce and mince-meat pie), it wasn't anything like real turkey. And ever since the government officially changed the name of "Thanksgiving Day" to "A National Day of Atonement" in 2020 to officially acknowledge the Pilgrims' historically brutal treatment of Native Americans, the holiday had lost a lot of its luster.


Eating in the dining room was also a bit daunting. The unearthly gleam of government-mandated fluorescent light bulbs made the Tofu Turkey look even weirder than it actually was, and the room was always cold. Ever since Congress passed the Power Conservation Act of 2016, mandating all thermostats - which were monitored and controlled by the electric company - be kept at 68 degrees, every room on the north side of the house was barely tolerable throughout the entire winter.


Still, it was good getting together with family. Or at least most of the family. Winston missed his mother, who passed on in October, when she had used up her legal allotment of life-saving medical treatment. He had had many heated conversations with the Regional Health Consortium, spawned when the private insurance market finally went bankrupt, and everyone was forced into the government health care program. And though he demanded she be kept on her treatment, it was a futile effort. "The RHC's resources are limited," explained the government bureaucrat Winston spoke with on the phone. "Your mother received all the benefits to which she was entitled. I'm sorry for your loss."


Ed couldn't make it either. He had forgotten to plug in his electric car last night, the only kind available after the Anti-Fossil Fuel Bill of 2021 outlawed the use of the combustion engines-for everyone but government officials. The fifty mile round trip was about ten miles too far, and Ed didn't want to spend a frosty night on the road somewhere between here and there.


Thankfully, Winston's brother, John, and his wife were flying in. Winston made sure that the dining room chairs had extra cushions for the occasion. No one complained more than John about the pain of sitting down so soon after the government-mandated cavity searches at airports, which severely aggravated his hemorrhoids. Ever since a terrorist successfully smuggled a cavity bomb onto a jetliner, the TSA told Americans the added "inconvenience" was an "absolute necessity" in order to stay "one step ahead of the terrorists." Winston's own body had grown accustomed to such probing ever since the government expanded their scope to just about anywhere a crowd gathered, via Anti-Profiling Act of 2022. That law made it a crime to single out any group or individual for "unequal scrutiny," even when probable cause was involved. Thus, cavity searches at malls, train stations, bus depots, etc., etc., had become almost routine. Almost.


The Supreme Court is reviewing the statute, but most Americans expect a Court composed of six progressives and three conservatives to leave the law intact. "A living Constitution is extremely flexible," said the Court's eldest member, Elena Kagan. " Europe has had laws like this one for years. We should learn from their example," she added.


Winston's thoughts turned to his own children. He got along fairly well with his 12-year-old daughter, Brittany, mostly because she ignored him. Winston had long ago surrendered to the idea that she could text anyone at any time, even during Atonement Dinner. Their only real confrontation had occurred when he limited her to 50,000 texts a month, explaining that was all he could afford. She whined for a week, but got over it.


His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether. Perhaps it was the constant bombarding he got in public school that global warming, the bird flu, terrorism or any of a number of other calamities were "just around the corner", but Jason had developed a kind of nihilistic attitude that ranged between simmering surliness and outright hostility. It didn't help that Jason had reported his father to the police for smoking a cigarette in the house, an act made criminal by the Smoking Control Statute of 2018, which outlawed smoking anywhere within 500 feet of another human being. Winston paid the $5,000 fine, which might have been considered excessive before the American dollar became virtually worthless as a result of QE13. The latest round of quantitative easing the federal government initiated was, once again, to "spur economic growth." This time they promised to push unemployment below its years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was not particularly hopeful.


Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought, before remembering it was a Day of Atonement. At least he had his memories. He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized his children would never know what life was like in the Good Old Days, long before government promises to make life "fair for everyone" realized their full potential. Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never realized how much things could change when they didn't happen all at once, but little by little, so people could get used to them.


He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while there was still time, maybe back around 2011, when all the real nonsense began. "Maybe we wouldn't be where we are today if we'd just said 'enough is enough' when we had the chance," he thought.
Maybe so, Winston. Maybe so.


For those of you who have forgotten, Winston Smith was the protagonist in George Orwell's novel "1984" Apparently Mr. Orwell was a few decades off.

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Article: Acer Founder Shih Says Tablets, Ultrabooks Are Fads

Todd Swank, vice president of marketing at Burnsville, Minn.-based system builder Nor-Tech, thinks Shih's comments are off base.


"For him to say the tablets and Ultrabooks are a fad makes it sounds like people are going to switch back to notebooks, but I don't think that will happen at all," said Swank. "To say that something new will replace the tablets and Ultrabooks makes some sense, but it's easy to say that something else is coming. I don't think that the product that is going to make them a fad is on the marketplace yet."

Swank believes that Acer's struggles in the tablet space inspired Shih's comments. "To me, they are trying to cover their tracks, because they were the golden child for a few years in the netbook space and then Apple came in and slapped them around a little bit with the iPad," Swank said.

Added Swank: "I agree that people do need to innovate like Apple did, but to say iPad is a fad is a little premature because they are breaking new ground in places where PCs have never been before." 

Read Full Article Here:

http://www.crn.com/news/client-devices/231300326/acer-founder-shih-says-tablets-ultrabooks-are-fads.htm

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Wall Street Free Fall Won't Derail Robust Sales Growth

Todd Swank, vice president of marketing at Burnnsville, Minn.-based system builder Nor-Tech, said most customers now work every angle to get as many bids as possible and get by only with what they really need. "It seems like there was some momentum going with the excitement around social media companies like LinkedIn and Groupon. Now it seems like there is a lot of fear in the air," Swank said. "I'm always an optimist. I think we have the best system in the world. We just need a catalyst that is going to get everything going again.”


Read the full article here:
http://www.crn.com/news/channel-programs/231300256/vars-wall-street-free-fall-wont-derail-robust-sales-growth.htm?pgno=2

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