May 31, 2010

NASA satellites are capturing images of the oil spill

Sad time for all...



— May 27, 2010 — Two NASA satellites are capturing images of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, which began April 20, 2010 with the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig. This short video reveals a space-based view of the burning oil rig and, later, the ensuing oil spill


through May 24. The timelapse uses imagery from the MODIS instrument, on board NASA's Terra and Aqua satellites. The oil slick appears grayish-beige in the image and changes due to changing weather, currents, and use of oil dispersing chemicals.
 

New BP Logo

Moving to Mexico

Dear Mr. President:

I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me.

We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico , and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.

We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.

I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over?

Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English.

4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.

5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.

7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico but I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.

10 In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put U. S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.

13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.

14. I want to receive free food stamps.

15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.

16. I'll need Income tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government.

17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Gov't pays $4,500 to help me buy a new car.

18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. from Mexico . I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Thank you so much for your kind help. You're the man!!!

May 27, 2010

Ssssstttutteerrrrinnnngggg

A guy walks into his doctor's office and says, "Ddddoc, I've bbbeen sssttttuttering ffor yyears and III'm tired of it. Ccccan yyyou hehehelp mmme???"

The doc says, "Well, I'll have to examine you first before I can answer you."

The doc examines him and says, "Well, I'm pretty sure that I know what the problem is." 


The guy asks, "wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc?"

The doc says,"It's your penis. It's about about 18 inches long and all of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords."

The guy asks, "Wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it?"

The doc replies, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one. I can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering."

The guy says, "Dddo it!"

The guy has the operation and about four weeks later he comes back to the doctor's office and says, "Thanks Doc. You've solved my problem and I don't stutter any more but I've only had sex once in the past month. My wife doesn't enjoy it any more. I cannot satisfy her. She liked my long penis. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back one!"

The doc replies, "Nnnnope. A ddddeal's a ddddeal!" 

Arizona Responds!

Arizona has responded to California's threat of a Boycott

Smoking Baby

May 26, 2010

Governors of two states jogging with their dogs along a trail.

Governors of two states jogging with their dogs along a trail. 


Coyote jumps out and starts to attack dog:
                           
 In California:

 
 #1. Governor starts to intervene and then realizes he  should stop; the coyote is doing what is natural. 
 #2. Call animal control. Animal control captures  coyote and spends $200 testing it for diseases and $500 relocating it. 
 #3. Call Vet. Veterinarian collects dead dog   and spends $200 testing it for diseases. 
 #4. Governor goes to hospital and spends $3500  getting checked for diseases from the coyote and getting bite wound  bandaged. 
 #5. Running trail gets shut down for 6 months while  wildlife services conduct a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is  clear of dangerous animals. 
 #6. Governor spends $50,000 and starts a coyote  awareness program for people who live in the area. 
 #7. State legislature spends $2 million investigating  how to better handle rabies and how to possibly eradicate it. 
 #8. Governor’s security agent fired for not stopping  the attack and letting the Governor try to intervene. 
 #9. Cost $75,000 to train new security agent. 
 #10. PETA protests the relocation of the coyote.

 
                 
In Texas: 
 #1. Governor spends $1.23 on a .380 ACP Gold Dot  Hollow Point Bullet and he and the dog keep jogging. 
 And we wonder why California is BROKE… 

  Be who you are and say what you feel...
  Because those that matter...Don't mind...
  and those that mind...Don't matter!
  IN GOD WE TRUST!! 

May 23, 2010

Shortarmguy Diary Entry for March 23, 2010


May 23, 2010

How Not To Drive A Golf Cart

Catvac

Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails for May 23, 2010







Phone Repair

Lawrence , Kansas, December 12, 2008

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.


The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:


1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.


2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.


3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.


4.. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.


5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.


Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

Arizona Immigration Law Editorial Cartoons










Stop Him!

BP Oil Spill Editorial Cartoons







Round Hay Bales Sell for $160,000 each!!

Who'd have thought these things were worth so much money?




 
SURPRISE, IT AIN'T FOR HORSES!




You will probably wonder now everytime you see a load of hay going down the highway....

May 20, 2010

The Illegal Super Highway

How would you like to be living in a state held hostage by Political Correctness. 

 Hey everyone out there!

We, in Arizona, know you're boycotting us -- but you really should come out here and see our Beautiful Sonoran Desert.

It's just gorgeous right now!  We know you'd love it and maybe you can share what you saw with the rest of the country so they can love it too!
This is on an 'illegal super - highway' from Mexico to the USA (Tucson) used by human smugglers.  
This area is located in a wash, approximately 1.5 miles long, just south of Tucson, Arizona. If a flood came, all this would be washed to the river and then onto the sea!

It is estimated over 5,000 discarded backpacks are in this wash.  Countless water containers, food wrappers, clothing, feces, including thousands of soiled baby diapers. And as you can see in this picture, fresh footprints leading right into it.

As we kept walking down the wash, we thought for sure it was going to end, but around every corner was more and more trash!  

And of course the trail leading out of the wash in our city, heads directly NORTH to Tucson, then leads to your town tomorrow.

They've already come through here. Isn't Arizona just beautiful, America?
Why would you boycott us???

Our desert has basically been turned into a landfill.

The trash left behind by people illegally crossing our border is another Environmental Disaster to hit the USA.

If these actions had been done in one of our Northwest Forests or Seashore National Parks areas, there would be an uprising of the American people.....but this is the Arizona-Mexican border.

You won't see these pictures on CNN, ABC, NBC or the Arizona Republic Repugnant newspaper.  Nor will they mention the disease that comes from the uncovered human waste left in our desert.

However, with respect to CNN, ABC & NBC, they do offer us "Special Reports" on cheating celebrity spouses....
This information needs to be seen by the rest of the country.










Ray Stevens - Come to the USA


May 19, 2010

Windows 7 Is Making People Forget About Vista

"A lot of the issues with Vista were overblown, but from a customer satisfaction standpoint, Vista didn't offer people enough benefits to overcome the stuff that drove them crazy," said Todd Swank, vice president of marketing at system builder Nor-Tech, Burnsville, Minn.


Read Full Article Here:
http://www.crn.com/software/224900260





Who Put This D*ck On My Back?

George Trailer

May 18, 2010

May 16, 2010

Shortarmguy Diary Entry for May 16, 2010


May 16, 2010

Our Dough is So Fresh...

Mission Impossible Squirrel

Did you hear about the 4 1/2 -pound crappie?


To Wisconsin fisherman, this is no ordinary fish story

Mike Zimmer was enjoying a phenomenal morning of crappie fishing. Then, it nearly turned historic. The 33-year-old angler from Menomonie was fishing a lake in Menomonie on March 15 when he hooked a 4 pound, 5 ounce white crappie. Most crappie caught are in the half- to 1-pound range.



Mike Zimmer and the 4-pound, 5-ounce crappie. - Provided/BND "It was unbelievable," Zimmer said. "It's probably like catching an 8- or 9-pound bass or a 70-pound flathead (catfish). Crappie fisherman know just how big something like this is." The behemoth that measured 19 inches long and had a girth of 16 inches was part of a crappie bonanza for Zimmer. He started fishing that chilly morning -- the temperature was about 40 degrees -- at 7:20 a.m. By 10:30 a.m., he was already at the dock with his limit of 25 crappie. Among the keepers were a 3-pounder and one that weighed 3 pounds, 8 ounces. The previous day, Zimmer also caught his limit of 25 in under four hours. That's why he declined to reveal the name of the lake that harbors his crappie honeyhole. "Next thing you know, they'll be people all over the place fishing for crappie," Zimmer said with a laugh. Clad in his thermal duck hunting clothes, Zimmer was one of the few fishermen on the lake that morning. The nippy temperatures didn't faze Zimmer, who said he has been fishing since he was in diapers. "For me, I've always caught my bigger ones early when it was cold," he said. "For most people, they would not even go on a day like that. It wasn't ideal by any means, but it was for me." Zimmer was using a 12-foot crappie pole outfitted with 4-pound test and a slip cork. His bait of choice was a Grizzly jig tipped with a small minnow. Knowing the crappie were preparing to spawn, he was fishing in shallow water (between 2 and 10 feet) around some downed trees. It didn't take long for Zimmer to realize he had landed on a school of crappie. Big ones, too. "I had beaten my own personal record (3 pounds) on the 12th or 13th keeper of the day," Zimmer said. "The 4.5-pounder was the 23rd keeper. I knew I only had three more fish to go, and here I catch this one." When he hooked it, Zimmer didn't think it was a crappie. "I'm thinking that's a catfish because it stayed down low," he said. "It didn't want to come up. A muskie will do the same thing. They'll put a good fight up and not come up to the surface.



"After a little bit of fighting I started to see it, and I realized it was a crappie. All I could think of was that 4-pound test breaking, because I knew it was a big one. I don't know how long I fought it because all I was thinking was getting it in the boat." Once he landed the papermouth, he collapsed into his seat due to a combination of exhaustion and excitement over his catch. After he caught his breath, Zimmer weighed the crappie on a hand-held scale. It came in just under 4.5 pounds. Zimmer then had the fish weighed on certified scales at the Millstadt post office and a butcher's shop in Sparta . The fish is currently at a taxidermist, where Zimmer plans to have it mounted. Coming oh-so-close to breaking a 37-year-old record didn't seem to bother Zimmer, who is a chemical operator at a plant in East St. Louis . "It might even be better than catching the state record because I might have gotten more publicity than I wanted," Zimmer said. "Then, I would have really had to give up my spot." News of Zimmer's near-record catch has been making the rounds. "My brother, who lives in Waltonville, had someone come up to him saying 'Man, did you hear about this dude that caught a 4.5-pound, 3.5-pound and 3.25-pound crappie?'" Zimmer said. "He's like 'Yeah, I did. I seen them because he's my brother.' I guess news like that gets around pretty quick."


Seen on a jeep somewhere...

When Obama Arrives in Arizona

The Arizona Immigration Law




This News video Helps you understand what Az has been going through...they have asked for help years ago!


Got this from an email pal so passing it along.  


The Fox News anchor is Sean Hannity. I have seen worse on the news too than what this video contains....AZ only put into law what was basically already Federal Law. Our country is being invaded and soon to get worse on the border states. This must stop and we must support our law enforcement in all states. Even
in Oklahoma City we are having more and more crime from illegals.



There is a brief ad at the beginning of this video. Please watch it, but it's not for children!

 
Americans need to understand why Arizona passed recent legislation and other states are following.  This isn't 'racial', it's criminal.



We all need to demand that our representatives do whatever is necessary to control our borders.
This is a horrific problem.  The video is about one year old and it's only gotten worse.

Watch the video...

Being retired, I have a little more time on my hands to pay attention to things that are going on around us than when I was working 60 hours a week. I saw this video and was a bit surprised of how bad things are in Arizona.

Initially, I had no intention of passing this information on until I allowed the contents of the video to digest for a few hours. Now I feel compelled to do so, primarily because of all the bogus "anti-immigrant and racist" chants that are being voiced by political pimps who twist, turn, obliterate and make a mockery of the truth for the sake of cheap politics at the expense of others.

There has been much said about the recent immigration bill signed in Arizona. Some may feel differently that I do and that is fine. 
Below is a link to a recent Fox News story surrounding the exploding and violent crime rate within Arizona. There is no twist, or spin to this story, it is all factual and it is shocking. The utter failure of Obama, Bush and down the chain, to control our borders and stop the flow of violence and narcotics into this country is pathetic. None of them have done anything for the simple sake of bullshit politics and fearing they would piss people off and potentially lose votes. It is disgusting.



In my opinion, the Arizona bill really doesn't have anything to do with being anti-immigrant per se'. I do NOT begrudge anyone South of the border wanting to come to this wonderful country to work and provide a better life for their family. If I were on the other side, I would to anything to get to America to work. I get it, and I always have. To those who "really" know me understand my heart.

This bill is an attempt to control the out-of-control violence inside the Arizona border. All of the violence depicted in this video is directly linked to our open and unchecked borders as well as the importation of violence and narcotics into our nation, right under our nose. The Arizona bill was enacted out of frustration because of Washington's (for 20 years or so) failure to do anything but pimp and pander themselves for the sake of ugly politics and a vote.

 Please watch this video and then imagine if you lived in Arizona. What would you want your law enforcement and the State government to do? What would you want done if this were happening in California or where you live? It is only a matter of time.  How is the crime in your neighborhood? Getting worse? get ready,The drug cartel are so rich they are winning.


Click> http://video.foxnews.com/v/3930044/theyre-armed-with-guns







What pervert designed this golf hole?

New Mouse for Women

A New Mouse for Women

After years of research, scientists have discovered that women do not like the standard mouse supplied with PCs.

Scientists found that there is no physical reason for their aversion; it is more of a Psychological problem.

Some women reported that their mouse 'just didn't feel right'in their hands.

Based on the research,a new mouse has been designed especially for women.

Various field tests have been carried out on the new design:

Julie from Hounslow said:-

It feels so much better. More comfortable, more like how it's supposed to be.'

Susan from Chelmsford added:-

I think mice were originally designed just for men, but this new type is definitely made for women. It fits right in with my lifestyle.'

Hillary from Kent said:-

I took to it like a duck to water, every woman should have one!' Sally from London said: – " It feels so natural. "